TVA REALLY PRODUCING HIGH QUALITY SUNBLOCK FOR ALL SOUTHEASTERNERS; ELECTRICITY GENERATION JUST “NICE TO HAVE”

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By greenflyshop, July 27, 2009 4:07 pm

More about TENNESSEE VALLEY AUTHORITY’S KINGSTON COAL ASH SPILL- (Hey TVA! How’s the view from your sphincter?)

Tennessee Valley Authority


I would never call the huge TVA  coal ash spill a “blessing in disguise” or any crap like that, but I will say that it’s about time TVA was brought under the microscope. As our fav author Willie Shakes might say: Oh, TVA, why doth you sucketh so much?

A recent AP article by Duncan Mansfield that ran in the Tennessean had some pretty eye-opening observations about TVA’s standard operating procedures . . . or lack thereof. The observations are based on the MCKENNA LONG & ALDRIDGE LLP’s factual report, the conclusions of which TVA’s CEO and President Tom Kilgore called “tough medicine.”


“The TVA did not have any standard procedures regarding operation and maintenance of wet-ash ponds and didn’t put a priority on preventing spills or accidents.  . . . Standard systems and controls for monitoring and evaluating risks that one would expect to see were never installed. TVA also failed to ensure standard training for engineers who inspect such operations.”


Ouch, TVA. I guess that’s why it took you four months to start Phase 1 of cleaning up your disaster?

And now you’re asking the public to send in ideas for alternatives for meeting the future electrical energy needs of the Tennessee Valley? Allow me to play messenger and submit a comment from a dear friend of mine.

Dear TVA,

Here’s an idea. I have lots of power and I’ll let you use it. For free. And you can rent your smoke stacks out as climbing walls. Get back to me when you get your head out of your @$$.

<3 The Sun

source: sciencechicagoblog.wordpress.com
source:sciencechicagoblog.wordpress.com

(Feel free to send in your own suggestions. The deadline is August 14, 2009.)

The good news is that with all of the money TVA is saving by not paying for expert advice on alternative energy sources, they might be able to pay for some of those medical costs that residents near the disaster area are racking up.

The Fly


categories 1

Nuclear Energy Still Sucks – Even With a Scottish Accent!

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By greenflyshop, July 21, 2009 2:00 pm

In honor of the 138th Open Championship held this past weekend in Ayshire, Scotland, The Fly enters the Fray About Nuclear Energy – with a Scottish brogue and the perfect sunglasses!

So now in the name of those two hallowed political phrases: “job creation” and “energy independence”, the infamous “they” are trying to make nuclear energy generation all warm and fuzzy like, I dunno, a killer rabbit maybe?

As our favorite Scotsmen might say while staggering back from a celebratory pint or five after kicking some nine-iron ass on the greens at Turnberry, that’s Fookin’ Shite, Brotha’! (trans: f@%$%ing sh*^*t brother!)


Of course, no course of action (or inaction) is risk free – as our dear, green expert Steve Colbert expertly reports here about why the earth is really heating up.

The truth is that just like a free lunch or the Easter Bunny, there is no easy answer. But not all risks are created equal. Here’s a quick history lesson for the uninformed.

First: April 26, 1986 – The Chernobyl nuclear power plant explodes, releasing 100 times more radiation than the atom bombs dropped over Hiroshima and Nagasaki. This means millions of people had to relocate because the surrounding area was no longer livable. The soil and water were deemed toxic and, to this day, nothing can be grown in the surrounding area. Local and worldwide effects of the explosion include long-term health issues (think cancer caused by radiation exposure) as well as agricultural and population issues. Another report done by Greenpeace is entitled “An American Chernobyl?” and talks about how we have already come “uncomfortably close” to a Chernobyl here in America, documenting many near-misses that could have been catastrophes. The point? We are not infallible creatures. And big risks, such as building more nuclear power plants and depending on those plants for “clean energy”, only need one mistake to make a huge and terrible impact on millions of people (and flies too!)

Our second history lesson happened this past Dec 22, 2008 – The giant TVA coal ash spill near Kingston, TN where 5.4 MILLION cubic yards of toxic coal ash spilled when the retaining wall of an ash pond gave way. TVA stands for Tennessee Valley Authority, but we like to think of them as Totally Vain Administrators. TVA uses coal-burning plants to generate energy for much of the southeastern US. At some point, someone thought that a coal-burning plant was a good idea. The New York Times called it an “environmental disaster of epic proportions,” described by many as “the worst man made environmental disaster since Chernobyl.”

A near-by resident interviewed in the article says, “It was nice that they came by to talk to us. They’re making an effort. But what upsets me is they didn’t have a plan in place. Why hadn’t anybody thought, ‘What happens if this thing bursts?”

Back to the idea that all risk is not created equal. Let’s say that the stupid TVA put up solar panels on 10% of the homes in Nashville and a tornado took out 10% of them. The resulting effect is minimal – there’s no radiation spilling into your meat ‘n’ three; and, if the grid is redesigned to mimic the Internet, then the system would still be working the same way the wonderful Internet does – because there would be so much redundancy, the knockout of any single node would not result in a blackout.

But if TVA builds a nuclear power plant and a tornado takes that out, well let’s just say we’ll need to redesign bras and jock straps to accommodate the extra lobes and globes. And that ain’t right!

Btw, it’s not like we don’t have better alternatives – check out Katherine Hamnett’s excellent treatise on concentrated solar power.

The Fly holds Katherine in a particular esteem – we wear her sunglasses all the time . . . even outside



categories environmental disasters | tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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By greenflyshop, July 18, 2009 6:35 am

Round up the PVC Novelty (aka Sex Toy) Executives and Shoot Them Full o’ Pthalates

In the spirit of The Fly’s Patron Saint, George Carlin (may he RIP), sex toys should be sick, not make you sick.*

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9GynoPVyRY&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00]

The next time you get ready to snuggle up to your favorite purple porpoise for priapic pleasure, pause before you light your scented candles and take a deep breath. Assuming that your climax-cuddle-bunny is clean, we’re gonna wager that what you’re smelling is something like the brand-new vinyl shower curtain stench. We hate to ruin the mood, but there’s dirty, and then there’s downright dangerous. Most of your popular (and more affordable) sex toys are composed of a reeking combo of PVC, phthalates and paraben. These are the same toxic chemicals that were found in the huge number of children’s toys that Congress banned the sale of earlier this year. Check out the excellent investigative reporting on the risks of phthalates and what alternatives are available.

Full Disclosure: The Fly is still pissed that most of the phthalate research was done on animals.

If it were up to us we’d round up all these sex toy importers and give them a prostate exam with a plunger!

The Fly

*You can prick your finger, but you can’t finger your prick!”–G. Carlin

categories eco-friendly sex toys, gross chemicals | tags , , , , , , , ,

Citizens Claim RecyleBank Not Good Enough

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By greenflyshop, July 15, 2009 11:58 am

The Fly Responds with 20% Off All Shirts!

In recent news, a program called RecycleBank has been created to reward members who use their new weight-calculating recycle bins with points that can later be redeemed for more junk.

In related news, I created a program called “Recycle,Bitch!” where members continue recycling in regular green bins just to spite RecycleBank. We will not be coddled with a feeble point system.

Instead, we will act like true Americans and hold out for cold, hard cash; or in this case 20% off all shirts for a limited time.

In more related news, does anyone have $20 I can borrow?

The Fly

categories Uncategorized

The Truth About the Great Pacific Garbage Patch

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By greenflyshop, July 5, 2009 5:25 pm

So a buddy of mine calls me up the other day on my flyphone to tell me all about the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.

“It’s like an island of trash in the ocean. Supposed to be twice the size of Texas! An island! Give it a year and BAM! Starbucks and Walmart are gonna put down roots right in the middle of the Pacific.”

I knew the answers but god help me, I had to ask him anyway. “An island? So we could see it from Google Earth? Or take a boat out to this garbage patch and play hacky-sac with someone’s old water bottle?”

” Um . . . maybe you didn’t hear me,” he said. “You could put a Starbucks on it.”

Far away, on Planet B, little green men are crowding around a laptop in Starflux, watching footage via satellite of me and my friend and this ridiculous conversation. They are laughing. And pointing. Laughing and pointing and holding their jiggling alien bellies. In my mind, a very smug and cranky alien (ol’ Douchey McDouchebag) snarls and says, “One day those dumb earthlings are gonna blow themselves up. Thank Flod we got Michael Jackson out in time. All we need now is Chuck Norris.”

I love the earthlings. It's the earthlings I hate.

First of all, my friend isn’t stupid. People do this all the time. They see a catchy headline and fill in their own details before telling someone else about it. Or, worse, they DO bother getting the details but their crappy media source glosses over the truth and fills in the rest with unnecessary crap.

The Great Pacific Garbage Patch is not a “Patch” or an “Island”, as many headlines claim. You can’t see it from Google Earth. We can’t sink it or collect it in a giant net and pull it out of the ocean. I mean, Chuck Norris could, but he’s busy slamming revolving doors and throwing random children into the sun. You could search all over the internet to find out the truth about the garbage patch or you could just see it right here:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLrVCI4N67M&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1]

See the blog post. (But come right back.)

So that’s it. Plastic in the Pacific Ocean has photodegraded, breaking down into smaller and smaller bits, making the North Pacific Subtropical Gyre look like a kaleidoscope of garbage. These small bits of plastic are easily ingested by birds and aquatic life. Sure, you could recycle more plastic or spread the word so your friends will, or – if you’re feeling lazy -you could pull a David de Rothschild and build a 60 foot ship out of 10,000 empty 2-liter plastic soda bottles and sail it 12,000 miles from San Fransisco to Sydney. Which means, one of the areas that the ship will pass through is the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.

Slacker De Rothschild is calling this voyage the “Plastiki Expedition” and will be partnering up with plenty of scientists and storytellers, one of whom is environmental scientist Josian Heyerdahl, granddaughter of Thor Heyerdahl, who pulled off the Kon-Tiki expedition. (Which was okay if you think that redefining the way the world views exploration is a big deal.) De Rothschild and other members of his crew hope that the Plastiki Expedition will be as inspiring, and that it will call the world’s attention to the ways in which we view waste and use plastic. (SPOILER ALERT: We have room for improvement.)

categories douchey mcdouchebag, garbage, great pacific garbage patch | tags , , ,

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